I had a wonderful day. It actually didnt rain, which was good because it was quite a long walk from the car to the arena.
It still hasnt sunk in that when I go back to school, it will be different. Usually I would be very nervous and just freaked out about graduating and actually having a real job, but that still wont happen for another 2 years after Im completely done, masters and all. So for now, its just work work work doing whatever I can until the fall. Im still waiting on a response about the interview about being a graduate assistant for the next 2 years. I dont have a confident feeling about it, but you never know..

I cannot believe it has been since October that I have posted. I really haven´t even known what to do, but I do not want to delete this. This was a place for me to lay everything out, to think, or just ramble. Nothing had to make sense here and that is why this appealed to me.

I'm depressed. Sometimes its hard to figure out the ultimate source, but I think a lot of it has to do with money. I WANT a job. But not any job.
I want a job working in a college, administrative, registar, something like that. I could apply for one right near the apartment at the local community college. But Im afraid. Im so afraid of everything, damnit. Afraid of a new job, afraid I wont be able to handle new things, afraid of interviews, afraid that Im not enough for anything, afraid no one will ever give me a chance, Im even hesitant to apply for a freaking retail job. I dont WANT a retail job again. I'm going to be fucking graduating college next semester, and I'll be working RETAIL?? NO.
What I really want to do is go on for my masters in student personnel. Except I'm lacking letters of recommendation, so I'm even afraid to ask the couple of people who might write me one. Its like I have to have the circumstances be absolutely PERFECT in order for me to even try something. Thats not fair. To me mostly.
And I've had no motivation. I dont remember when I had the motivation..after the wedding was fine, honeymoon was good, then all the the hurricane crap really did me in. And I havent felt the same since. And then Howard not feeling well again these past few weeks, his side hurts and he hasnt been doing anything, so I feel like i'm alone when he really is here all of the time. Drugs can do that to people I suppose. Just makes me feel like i'm by myself. I just want someone to take care of me and tell me it'll all be fine, and it really will, and they wont leave or just be nice by saying that, but then in the end it'll still be just me, alone, taking care of myself and the rest of the crap that comes along with it.
I'm always tired. Just tired. The more I dont feel like studying or looking for a job, or doing anything. Funny, and I just had 2 tests and got a 96 and a 97 on them. That cant get me out of this funk quite, either.
I'm just not happy.
And its all up to me to get things right. This might take awhile.

Yes, I am writing. But I don't know what. Blank blank, and yet there's so much that I could say.
I don't know if I am able to keep this blog rolling, life keeps on getting in the way, ya know?

I'm married! Things havent changed though, which is good. Nothing drastic or surprises have cropped up. I didn't expect them to, we've known each other for more than 5 years now and we're not the type to keep things from each other.

So it's us, Jubilee, Mr. Magoo the turtle, and the fish in our *new* apartment. The other *new* apartment is condemned now from a hurricane. So now we have ANOTHER *new* apartment. Noticed how much I hate this moving thing??

Here's some random pictures, I'm getting into taking pictures more now that we have a digital camera--everything's so much easier with one of these than a boring old regular camera!

Jubilee, our baby, and on our cruise in Honduras with dolphins.

AHHH, my wedding's almost here!! Sunday is the day. holy SHIT. I'm kind of nervous. Mostly in the mornings when I wake up. Well, heres the breakdown:

Heres some adorable pictures of my new doggie, Jubilee!! We got her on the 4th of July. She's a year and 3 months and shes rambunctious and hyper but such a sweety! And she loves to lick! :-P

At last, we have moved!!!!

I'm ecstatic!
There are boxes everywhere, of course, but this weekend is a holiday so that means an extra day to unpack!

I just wanted to check in and test out the internet and it works wonderfully.

Happy weekend and 4th of july!

Boxes, boxes, boxes. That's all I ever see. Will I ever find a permanent place to live??!?!?

Okay, I'm here!

Well, I have to go in a second, there's McDonald's waiting for me right about now, but I thought I would say hi.

Hi!